Today was weird
ConfusedThe last few weeks I've been a tad depressed. Mostly about school and stuff. Senioritis is totally kicking my ass. But today. Man...I'm not bipolar or anything, but fuck, I was all over the place today.
It started in the morning. I had to wake up early, even though we don't have school today, to get to an appointment with my psychiatrist, (for ADD, and general sharing of many unpleasant feelings, not anything major.) Bus fare is $1.40, and all I had were fives, and the damn bus doesn't give you change. So I had to go find a place to get smaller monies. I was late for my appointment, giving me less time to talk. Some things that were brought up weren't completely settled because we ran out of time. I was all frustrated on the bus ride home, and the fact that it was a long ride made me think quite a bit about some things, getting me more frustrated.
By the time I got home I felt sick and dizzy and extremely anxious. Then one feeling led to another and I rode the craziest emotional roller coaster with in the next 5 or 6 hours.
The feelings covered were:
Super-depressed, and worthless.
Loneliness
Fear
Panic
An almost violent rage
Horny
A period of numbness
High
Manic. (I was practically out of my mind with adrenaline, skipping around the basement and singing. I couldn't sit still.)
And all the feelings in between. The whole ordeal is a little fuzzy now, so it's hard to reflect exactly what I was feeling all the time. All I know is that nothing felt stable and it was all really disturbing. There were moments when I almost wanted to hurt myself. Bash my head into a wall or something. I never feel self-destructive. I'm too pretty for that. XD
I have no idea where it all came from, but it stopped around 5:00 pm when I went for a walk on Tabor. I tired myself out going up a bazzilion stairs, took some of the small dirt paths, made a daisy chain, and now I feel totally back to normal.
It was all pretty strange, and I didn't get shit done. Even though I feel fine now, I'm a bit worried about me. I hope I'm okay.
ANYWHO I hope everyone else is having a nice day. It's all sunny and beautiful here this weekend, then we go back into Portlands' trademark rainy weather. Lame. I'm so ready fro summer to happen.
Love y'all!
Devious Comments
J/K
Yeah, sometimes you have days like that. Its best to just let it out and do write about your feelings, even if you don't make it public because you have to get all that stuff out of your system.
Actually, writing out my feelings while they happen makes me feel stupid. No clue why. I've never been able to keep a diary, even when I was younger. XD
I can write about feelings when I'm reflecting on them though.
But then again I guess that's not much of a comfort that you should consider yourself okay, but I don't often think of myself as okay...
But it is good to get all of those feelings out, because if you hold them in the effects wont blow over so well. And that's my experience talking. ^.^ We all know I have alot of brownie points in Crazy Land. <3
But yeah, maybe having a friend to talk to and let everything out with who isn't paid to listen to you. Most importantly, someone who doesn't have you on a schedual on how long they can listen to you for.... That's always been my flaw for going to those people....
Just alow yourself those emotions, and move on. I think that would be best. Don't get too caught up over them, or you'll be stressed out over nothing.
LOVE YOU!
<3
--
RAWR!
I do hope you feel better today. And have an imaginary hug from me!
--
A haiku by Naleh (and friend)
I am a fangirl
I like to glomp shinobi
Watch them flee in fear
Remember Kids:
An Apple a day keeps the Shinigami sane.
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